Udder Relief

Tom and Champagne

So there I was, rookie milker Mayfield, loins girded and ready for anything Bessie could throw at me. Just me and her. Coach Robin Dodson had run through the game plan, but had her own herd to attend to. Lovely wife Jorg was gone, earning the moolah* that keeps this whole show on the road. The milking machine was set up and ready to go, surge tank in place and the bagpipes (aka the "claw") hung on the gate. Empty bucket for milk, soapy water for cleaning, iodine for the teats, and strip cup to let down and test the milk. Stainless steel shining like silver, and the parlor set up for the incoming Bessie. I had considered rushing out and investing in the complete "how to dress like an NFL linebacker for dummies" outfit, and I had my old cricket box (the one with the dent, that still brings tears to my eyes after all these years) but commonsense prevailed, and I entered the fray with strong boots and and an iron will. The game plan suggested by coach Robin was to plug two of the inflations and do two quarters at a time. That not only saved two of the four hands I had been using, but it maintained a good vacuum as well. The drawback to the whole approach was the need to insert myself between the gate post we had erected to keep the cows from moving sideways too far, and the cow. Now Bessie is a mini-Jersey, but even a mini-cow is a cow and perhaps that helmet might have been a good idea after all. Of course the upshot was that Bessie had sussed out that having a dish full of grain, as much hay as you can eat, plenty of water, and with only a minor annoyance around her udder, that life in the parlor was actually OK. Let rookie Mayfield do his best and so would she. Because good readers, Bessie is a Princess. Rosebud is a perfect lady, quiet and reserved, wonderful for the newbie milker. Bessie on the other hand, is unashamedly a people cow. She loves her bumbling owners and likes nothing more than to tell you so. Her reluctance to milk stemmed from that first 24 hours, when Annabelle decided that she preferred the bottle to the teat. Plus, of course, rookie Mayfield's total inability to control a simple milking machine claw. We both came out of the encounter looking good, and Team Mayfield is now ready for the World Milking Championships - well perhaps not, but we are making progress.

*moolah: money; also famous lady wrestler (possibly with bagpipes) Lillian Ellison; and of course first syllable"moo" - I love English word play!

Bessie and Annabelle Lee: Rosebud and Champagne Surprise (like mother, like daughter)