Looking for Mr. Right

Within the next two months, we will make one of the most important decisions in the lives of our future calves: we’ll pick their daddy. To do this, we will review a list of candidates in order to select one lucky fellow, we will purchase semen straws that will be delivered to us frozen, we’ll procure the services of an AI technician, and then we’ll put on some Barry Manilow (or maybe some Yanni or John Tesch), light some scented candles and watch the magic unfold.

The selection of “Dad” might be considered a straightforward exercise to some. Not us. Really, what do we know about these guys? We’ll want to start with a good, registered bull in order to know who his parents are. Are they our sort of cows? After all, we can’t have our girls consorting with anyone unsuitable. Did he come from the “right” farm? We’ll also want to make sure that he isn’t too closely related, if you know whutta’ mean (banjo music). We’ll want to examine his physical attributes in order to predict what characteristics might be handed down to our little cherubs. And we’ll want to know a few other things. Does he have tattoos? Of what? Has he ever done time in the Big House? We’ll run a Google search to find out if his previous “girls” have had bad things to say about him. We will also examine his Internet IP number to find out if he’s been contacting objectionable web sites.

The bull in the picture is the handsome “Breyer,” owned by Tammy in Staunton, VA. He is an example of what we are looking for. He’s got the size (small), the pedigree (AMJA) and a nice temperament. Unfortunately, he also has a very close relationship to our girls- he is their half brother. So we’ll need to find someone who occupies a more distant branch of the Miniature Jersey family tree.

But even once we’ve sifted through all of this information, there’s more.

Cows are able to be bred only during a very narrow time interval each month. Figuring out WHICH interval is one of the more difficult jobs in bovine husbandry. If we guess wrong, our AI technician will have wasted a drive out to our farm and we will need to wait to finish off that second bottle of Freixenet. Or, not. But in any case, we will be watching the girls very carefully for the subtle signs of a cow in season. They are hard to spot, and include things like mooing, fence pacing, letting other cows jump on their backs and possibly jumping on your back, if you aren’t careful. We are novices at determining this important stage, so in the photograph, Bessie helpfully demonstrates some easy-to-miss signs of bovine heat.

By the way, the current front runner is “Joe” (owned by Mary Hill in PA), who is the father of Annie and Penny. But other applicants are encouraged and will be carefully considered.

Photo of "Breyer" by Tammy Cupp